Been Here Before
by Tobias
Summary: It isn't everyday that Ratchet loses something close to him. RatchetXUnnamedOC RatchetOOCness ONESHOT


_Been here before._

_Though there's something in the air this time,_

_Now I wanna give away what I've taken back._

_Run away with you toward the night,_

Ratchet sat in his office, door locked and security code entered to make sure he would be left alone. It had been another day of horrific fighting and another day of injuries pouring into his med bay.

Again, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had both ended up there; both needing extensive repairs. But had to wait, worse cases had come in before _and_ after the mechs had taken their rightful place a 'reserved' cots.

The worst case of the day hadn't been one of the mechs from the attack squads, nor had it been one of the mechs from the assassin teams. Instead it had been one of the bots, a femme at that, who had been viciously attacked by the Decepticons while on a mission to scope out the terrain ahead. They had ambushed her. It was the shot heard 'round the world so to speak, for it wasn't long after she had set off her distressing signal that the fighting had begun.

That wasn't the whole point either. Ratchet had seen many mechs come into his medbay. Most of them left repaired and with, in his opinion, little appreciation for the fact they had survived. However, it was those who were rushed to him on their last spark, those stuck out in his mind.

_A thousand names,_

Ratchet again had to remind himself that he couldn't save them all. Some of them were meant to fight their final fight while others were meant to go on another day. Who was he to decide who truly lived and who truly died?

_Though there's something in me cannot smile,_

_Don't wanna spend the day retracing steps,_

_Run away with you toward the light,_

Another sigh from the medic also reminded him that, even thought he couldn't chose who lived and died, he still had to live with the fact that when they did die, the spark mate or lover silently blamed him. Granted, while some understood that there was nothing he could have done, there were others who went into hysterics and screamed that he could have done more.

And every time, he had retreated back to his private quarters to either take peace in the arms of his spark mate or, when she was working the control room, sit in the dimmed light and silently remind himself he wasn't Primus, he couldn't chose fate.

_I can't stay long,_

_In the morning,_

_Another one went wrong,_

_It's ok,_

_Now that you're gone,_

_Only in your eyes a sudden need denied,_

_I sympathize,_

Tonight she was working in the control room, her optics kept on the datapad she had in front of her, tallying up causality counts and damage reports, though to anyone who paid attention, they could tell she was worried about Ratchet.

_(church organs)_

Ratchet slowly walked from his office towards the medbay exit, casting a small glance in the direction of the white curtains that hung from the ceiling, meant to conceal the day's carnage until the bodies could properly be laid to rest.

_A diamond gaze,_

Turning the lights off in the medbay he shut the doors behind him, locking them up for the night and setting up the security pad so that if there was an emergency, he would be alerted. He looked around the hallway for anyone who dared to be awake so late before leaning his head on the door, sighing and saying a silent prayer before heading off to his quarters for the night.

As he walked past the control room, he looked through the doorway, catching optics with his spark mate. She offered him a small smile and a nod before he did the same, continuing on his way to his room.

_A thousand strands of sunlight in her eyes,_

_Now I wanna give away what I've taken back,_

_Step away with you toward the night,_

Heading down the hallway he happened to pass Optimus who offered his old friend a hand on his shoulder and some kind words of sorrow. Ratchet didn't understand why at first, so he forced a smile to his leader, saying that everything would be okay soon as the war was over.

_I can't stay long,_

_In the morning,_

_Another one went wrong,_

_It's ok,_

_Now that you're gone,_

_Only in your eyes a sudden need denied,_

_I sympathize,_

Ratchet unlocked his door and looked around his empty room, the sudden realization of the day hit him full force as he forced the chocking sob sound into the back of his processor, sitting on the recharge bed, remembering when it used to fill warm.

_It's ok,_

And as he played back the day's events, he realized that what he had been seeing most of the day were not, in fact, his spark mate, but rather a ghost of his past. A haunting in his memory.

_Now that you're gone,_

_Only in your eyes a sudden need denied,_

_I empathize,_

And as he played back the entire day in his mind he became more and more frustrated by it. Frustrated with himself. Frustrated with the war.

_It's ok,_

Frustrated with the fact that he couldn't save her. With the fact that she had died on his operating table.

The day had been one of the worst. The ambush of the recon team, the fighting getting so close to base that a large blast breached the mobile control room. The same control room his spark mate had been working in, keeping track of the troop up until the blast destroyed almost all of it.

She hadn't stood a chance.

Ratchet laid his head down on the recharge pillow, forcing the thoughts from his head as he reminds himself that it would only been a matter of time until the war was over. Only a matter of time until he could properly grieve.

_Now that you're gone,_

_Hurry up and sleep; to the night you go._

xxxxxx

A/N: Don't know why I wrote this. Was just listening to the song and kept thinking about it. What better way to stop thinking about it then to write it. R/R if you must. Flames will be doused with hippy water.

Song Used:

_Been Here Before_ by _Jeremy Enigk_


End file.
